|muse:|

i cannot continue like this.

i need to gain my mind back. so. nails. stop. mind. start. when im not doing something that involves my concentration, my concentration will be on myself. let's see how i do at it :) myself intrinsically. i cannot go through life anymore just….going. doing. i need being. and so. i shall. for it is written, right?

it all keeps hitting me every so often. more frequently (i had written over and over again..no pun intended, but i thought why not make another post of it? smart ^_^ you'll see!). this overwhelming sadness washes through me and leaves me drained. instantaneously. i could be fine. then kA-BAM. crushed. but, i have a few things that help me out ^^

over analyzation. thinking of things you have no control over for example, a lover's thoughts, a friend's actions, trying to figure them out before they happen and be affected by your made-up thoughts, or what you think they are thinking, is bound to make you crazy. i say it with respect.

and i think that is what i do -_-;; yea, i know, what the fuck, right? why would someone do that to themselves?

…i've gotten better at not doing it. so! this gives me hope in gaining control of my mind and emotions. to a certain extent. they can have control, too. that is the beauty of it.

this can also work with nail biting ^________^;;;;; the hope part. and control part.

hah, you know which show i finished watching and had a great time? scrubs: med school. yea, i know its been over for a bit now, but! i really enjoyed it.

another thing! my chi pet just said, 'fuck you, bitch' i love him. i think he's like 6 or 7 days old. its great. when i first got him, he died about 3 times ::widget:: and he's so green!! ill see if i can post a picture.

'somewhere during that short thoughtless second when I’d sprinted across the icy lot, I had transformed from killer to protector.' - i've started midnight sun....yet again <3