|muse:|

what has happened to man!?

what has happened to integrity

and morality

and well-being

why is everything going to shit.

why do i only focus on these things. perhaps that is the issue. or perhaps they are just more evident lately.

im at work atm. these teachers, not all of them, but majority, are so set on keeping their kids. and not letting them come out to music classes. i understand that you have your lame NJASK testing coming up. but thats in like three weeks. if you are stressing now, and not letting your kids come out, then yes. you are teaching to test and for the test and only for the test. do you even see this? your students will not retain anything you teach them. once the test passes, the acquaintance, which is knowledge, is no longer in the picture.

solution:

so let them come to my class. let them play their music and be happy and stress me out with their not practicing bc they are so busy doing work for your classes that they wont really care about.

thanks.

everything teaches you something. everything is a learning experience.

ive learned, i do not want to be a public school teacher. interesting, eh? i can do this later on in my life. grad school, ive decided is happened in another country. this country is going to shit, too. within the next two years, im gone. as for what i'll do now, dunno. i love private teaching. so maybe get as many students as i can.

figure out your hardest descision and mental clarity will come

fuck.

everything is so fucking disappointing. it bothers me. id like to be held and just held. nothing else. i dont want anything else. i want to smoke til i pass out. drink til i cant feel. the music is blasting so i do not hear my thoughts.

what has happened to support!?

why are parents telling their kids 'don't practice at home, i want peace and quiet; it sounds like animals dying; the dogs are howling, stop practicing' what has happened to cultivation?

and now, politicians in new jersey have cut 88% of state school funding. but is not taxing those who make over 400,000/yr, or something like that. thats disgusting.

where is our modern day robin hood?

the sex trade will never end. politicians profit more than we think with this.

the drug trade will never end, nor will it become legalized. its a form of control. and profit.

sad, right?

i dont know what will happen to humanity. all i know is that i'd like to be here to see what happens, and id like to not be here because it will be scary.

im out.

________________________

*written friday morning while at work.

whats wrong with the world today

my heart breaks at least 5 times a day

have i fallen from grace

my students did very well in orchestra. 20 min after i wrote all this. definitely lifted my spirits until i got into my car and listened to mirza.

beautiful.